Rejection

There is a steady stream of rejection letters coming through the mailbox right now. It is demoralizing to know that they will likely continue with the jobs I'm planning on applying to in the next couple of weeks, since the applicant pool for all of those jobs is so competitive.

I don't get the feeling that the Alaska Supreme Court interview went all that well. It didn't go poorly, but it was only 30 minutes long, and it felt like the Justice talked for at least 12 minutes of that time. I don't feel like I was able to get my personality out, to stand out from the pack. I just had standard responses and standard questions prepared. And he was planning on conducting interviews at eight other schools, most of which are more highly ranked than mine. He said they'd let us know in early- to mid-October.

I'm startying to panic that I don't have a job. I know it is rough out there; I know lots of my fellow 3Ls won't have jobs when they graduate. I know this in my head. That doesn't change the reality that I'm practically praying not to be one of those 3Ls. I need to broaden my scope. I need to accept what is offered to me. I need to stop thinking that a miracle is going to happen. And I need to work harder to get somewhere that I'll be happy with what I'm doing.

Lavender Law; Last Year Apathy; Rain; Interviews

Last week was Lavender Law, the National LGBT Law Conference, in Brooklyn, NY (I attended the same conference last year when it was held in San Francisco). The school was able to send twelve people this year, which was quite a turn out. I figure for $27,000 a year in tuition, I needn't feel guitly for taking advantage of a couple of free trips paid for by the school when the opportunities arise. It was overall a good trip - I didn't get to see as much of the city as I had planned because I was pretty tired for the majority of the trip after taking three connecting red eye flights to get there (Eugene to San Francisco, San Francisco to Chicago, Chicago to La Guardia, van pool from La Guardia to the hotel in Brooklyn). But the panels were inspiring, and I heard several leaders of the LGBT rights movement speak, including Kevin Cathcart (Director for Lambda Legal) and Shannon Minter (Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, whom I introduced myself to in the hopes that we can get him to come speak at UO sometime this year). The hotel room was the size of a postage stamp, but it actually worked out okay - I bonded with a few people I hadn't expected, staying up until 2:3o a.m. one night chatting about our futures over cheese pizza. The career fair portion of the conference made my realize more concretely for the first time that I really may end up anywhere in the country now that I'm not focused on Washington state. Before the career fair, this fact had been more of an abstract concept. Talking with recruiters from D.C. made me realize I could really truly end up there, if only for a few years.

I have not gotten a single interview as a result of my applications to federal clerkships, but I'm really not that surprised. A fellow colleage of mine on law review who is higher ranked than I am applied to 200 judges and only got one interview, that's how dire the situation is for third-year law students right now. However, I did apply for a clerkship with the Alaska Supreme Court, and I have an interview with them next week. I'm trying not to get too excited, because the possibility of being hired is still fairly remote, but I think going to Alaska for a year would be the adventure I've been looking for. As my friend L reminds me, I could live anywhere for a year. When I was younger, I used to think a year was an interminable period of time, but now it just races by. If I did get offered a position in Alaska, I would take it in a heartbeat. I don't think they are planning on making any offers until December, but right now I really just need to focus on the interview, for which I'm planning to do copious amounts of research.

It's raining right now - rain makes me feel at home. It makes me miss Seattle. Even though the relationship tie isn't there anymore, Seattle is still my home, and I think it is important for me to be relatively close to it in a few years, particularly as my parents start to get older. But I'm not really in a position to be choosy right now when it comes to accepting positions offered, should I get any offers.

For the first time in a long time, I feel truly apathetic about school, and this concerns me. A lot of the other third years are somewhat cavalier about their apathy, but for me, it's worrisome. School is always something I've enjoyed and at which I've excelled; I know it's our third year, but it isn't normal for me to care so little. I'm not cutting classes, and I'm still doing the reading, but it's been difficult to stay energized and engaged. Maybe somehow I'll find a way of reclaiming that energy as the semester progresses. I'm still struggling with how to adjust my old dreams of my future to the current reality of that future, and it is likely that that is primarily what is affecting me regarding school. Stay focused, self. Don't blow two years of work on the end of a relationship, even if the end of that relationship is validly distracting.

Clerkships

Yesterday, I finished my federal clerkship applications. It was a somewhat arduous task for a job which I likely have an ice cube's chance in hell of getting - but you can't know until you try. A clerkship (working for a judge for one to two years researching and writing opinions and watching trials) would not only be a way of getting better at research and writing and learning the ins and outs of the judicial system, it would allow me to gain a little prestigious real world experience before applying to more long term jobs - and it would allow me to postpone making the decision about where to actually end up, personally, geographically, and professionally, for another year. For federal clerkships, I applied to judges in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Nevada, California, Alaska, Chicago, and D.C. - anywhere I could actually see myself living. Because I'm not in the top twenty-five percent of my class (I'm in the top forty), it is possible that more than half of the judges will just chuck my application without reading it. But like my Dad says with regard to job offers: all you need is one.