PMF

I applied for the Presidential Managment Fellowship a few monthis ago. It is a prestigious program to get positions with the federal government, albeit non-legal positions. I got an email from the feds today - my nomination has been accepted, which means that the next part of the process is to take a test which evaluates my critical thinking skills, writing fundamentals, and life experiences. This last one makes me chuckle. I'm white, young, and middle class. What kind of life experiences are they looking for? I'm not sure what I have to stand out. I'm kind if ambivalent about the program - in some respects, I'd love to work for the federal government, but I'd prefer it to be in a legal position. I have heard that a position through PMF can springboard you to a legal job through a lateral transfer. Turns out I really am broadening the scope of my job search.

Lamplight

I had a lovely Thanksgiving in Portland with my cousins. It is a glorious thing to be related to foodies. My lecherous 94-year-old great uncle was there, singing loudly in Yiddish and making kissy faces at me from across the table. It was, in a word, fabulous.

Now it is time for studying. Finals are a week away. I only have 2 finals this semester, but that definitely feels like enough, particularly since they are back to back (this is the first time I have ever had back-to-back finals). Neither final is in a subject I feel terribly confident about (Bankruptcy and Constitutional Law II), so it is hard to will myself to study when I still feel as though I won't do well.

After finals I am driving to Spokane to visit my grandmother - Grandpa is in the hospital. Then a few days with Avoiding Turtles in Coeur d'Alene at the camp she works at - really looking forward to that, a couple of days of simple living, canoeing and hiking and being unplugged. Then back to Seattle for a few days, then a visit to Portland with my man to visit his best friend's family. I'm really looking forward to seeing those little boys, but sad that I'll be missing the high school group's Christmas party (I had scheduled the visit to Portland before I knew about the party). Then back to Seattle to write a brief for the LGBT Moot Court Competition. I know, I know, I'm crazy, doing another competition - but I get to do it with the same partner I had for NAAC, and I love appellate-level oral arguments, and I'm obviously very interested in this topic, and I get to work a trip to California into the mix.

In the midst of all the activity over break I should be applying for jobs also. At this point, I estimate that I've applied to between 85-100 jobs. I know that people who are more highly ranked than I am (ranking as far as grades go) are also struggling to find something. I am still vowing to find a job before I graduate, but at this point my vow is more of a motivating pledge than a promise which has consequences if broken. Worst comes to worst, I'll graduate, take the bar, and start looking then. It isn't the end of the world, just not preferable.

Cheery

I don't mean for all of my posts here to be so dour. I seem to write when I'm ruminating over the choices I need to make in my life. I'm actually generally fairly happy. I've enjoyed my experiences here in law school, and I have a great group of friends that I'm fairly certain I've made for life. We make a point of cooking dinner for each other every Thursday night to decompress. I have access to the campus swimming pool, I have a lovely little cottage all to myself, I occasionally have time to paint and bake. I go on mini-vacations, get to explore Eugene, Portland, the Oregon Coast. In January some law buddies and I are going to Vegas. I'm surrounded by witty people who make me laugh. I have my own desk in the law review office (probably one of the highlights of my year, as silly as it sounds!) My life is actually pretty blessed. It's just these damned choices that keep popping up that I feel compelled to document. I'll try to make a point of posting more about the things that keep me going, and that make me happy there are lots of them.

Forks

I got my rejection letter from the WAGO on Sunday. I can't say that I was too surprised. I'm 3 for 3 now as far as the interview to rejection ratio goes. Everyone says, at least you got interviews! It is nice to get interviews, but you know what's nicer? A jobby job. I sent out fifteen more applications last week, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have a lot to keep busy with in school right now, so it's just good to know those applications are floating around out there in the ether, waiting to capture me a job. I used a different writing sample this time, thinking maybe my writing sample was what was hurting me, though I am pretty sure it is just the incredible amount of competition stemming from the dire state of the economy right now.

This blog has always been about law school, and my legal career, but both of those paths have been inextricably crossed with the paths of my relationships. I'm definitely at a crossroads. I saw the man over the weekend, when I was up in Seattle for a friend's wedding. He admitted that he's still not sure of his decision, that he does like children, that he's having a bit of a midlife crisis right now, and the he still loves me (I admitted I still love him too). We agreed to go to counseling in December, after finals and during winter break. I told him this wasn't going to change my decisions about where to accept a job, that this doesn't mean we are back together - it means that we're at "it's complicated." He needs to get to a place emotionally where he can make decisions about his future. I need to give this relationship a real try - if I didn't, I'd always wonder. Especially since I'm still just as in love with him as I was before I broke it off. But this means the path before me keeps forking. I was beginning to adjust to the idea of going anywhere in the country, but if we get back together I'll be heading back towards Seattle - but potentially after a year or so in a different location. I want this relationship to work more than I can describe, but I also want to be fulfilled professionally, and I'm not sure that can happen if I stay exclusively in Seattle.

Hmm. I hope one day, when I'm established in the world, I can look back at this time of my life and think about how silly all of my worrying was. But right now, it's just making my stomach ache.

Shark

I've been meaning for a couple of weeks to post about how my interview with the Judge in Spokane went. It was such a great interview - one of the best I've ever had. The Judge was kind, personable, and easy to talk to. He went to the same community college as I did at the same age that I went. We talked about LGBT issues and jurisprudential philosophy. The interview was natural and conversational, and the second half of the interview involved speaking with his clerks about their job duties. The Judge did tell me, however, that he was interviewing a dozen people, and that it was the most competitive pool he has seen in recent memory as a result of the economy. I knew it was a long shot if my odds were 1 in 12, but I couldn't help feeling as though I had a chance, since the interview had gone so well.

But.

I got the call on Tuesday that I didn't get the job. I have to admit, I was pretty crushed. The clerk who called left a voicemail, saying that the Judge wanted me to know that he was sure I would have done a great job, that it was a very difficult decision, that they all really enjoyed meeting me. From her tone, it sounded as though I might have been the runner-up. I sent a letter thanking them for the opportunity and letting them know I'd like to stay in the running should the circumstances change. But it is hard to move forward from this. It really felt like this was going to be where I was headed after my hard work in school - an appellate clerkship in Washington for two years with a judge I really liked. But now it is back to applying cold for positions for which I don't have much of a shot.

Alaska also turned me down. Still waiting on the WAGO.

I've missed some clerkship deadlines for places I didn't have much interest in living before I started receiving the steady stream of rejections. I think it is time to expand my horizons - geographically, professionally, personally. I am going to be extending my search to all over the country, not just the west, D.C., and Chicago. And I'm going to look for nontraditional law jobs. I will not be without a job when I graduate - this I vow. I'm thinking about LLM fellowship programs to apply to after a couple years of practice. I am 24 years old - younger than most of my colleagues. I will have a J.D. degree by the time I'm 25. That means I have a sufficient amount of time to achieve something - a job I feel great about, a big case, an additional graduate degree - by the time I'm 30. I need to be the shark. I need to move forward for this to happen. Rejections are going to keep coming - but all I need is that one yes.