Forks

I got my rejection letter from the WAGO on Sunday. I can't say that I was too surprised. I'm 3 for 3 now as far as the interview to rejection ratio goes. Everyone says, at least you got interviews! It is nice to get interviews, but you know what's nicer? A jobby job. I sent out fifteen more applications last week, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have a lot to keep busy with in school right now, so it's just good to know those applications are floating around out there in the ether, waiting to capture me a job. I used a different writing sample this time, thinking maybe my writing sample was what was hurting me, though I am pretty sure it is just the incredible amount of competition stemming from the dire state of the economy right now.

This blog has always been about law school, and my legal career, but both of those paths have been inextricably crossed with the paths of my relationships. I'm definitely at a crossroads. I saw the man over the weekend, when I was up in Seattle for a friend's wedding. He admitted that he's still not sure of his decision, that he does like children, that he's having a bit of a midlife crisis right now, and the he still loves me (I admitted I still love him too). We agreed to go to counseling in December, after finals and during winter break. I told him this wasn't going to change my decisions about where to accept a job, that this doesn't mean we are back together - it means that we're at "it's complicated." He needs to get to a place emotionally where he can make decisions about his future. I need to give this relationship a real try - if I didn't, I'd always wonder. Especially since I'm still just as in love with him as I was before I broke it off. But this means the path before me keeps forking. I was beginning to adjust to the idea of going anywhere in the country, but if we get back together I'll be heading back towards Seattle - but potentially after a year or so in a different location. I want this relationship to work more than I can describe, but I also want to be fulfilled professionally, and I'm not sure that can happen if I stay exclusively in Seattle.

Hmm. I hope one day, when I'm established in the world, I can look back at this time of my life and think about how silly all of my worrying was. But right now, it's just making my stomach ache.