Chaco Law

Finished!

2010-05-17T12:37:00.001-07:00

I'm done with law school! For eva eva. I'm up in Seattle now - I've been done for three days and I already feel like I should be working again. I keep dreaming about my tax final from Thursday. I'm keeping myself busy with dishes, laundry, job applications, dry cleaning, bank deposits, swims, visits with friends, et cetera. Bar preparation doesn't start until after graduation but I'm gearing up for that too by downloading outlines for the subjects I didn't take a class on. It feels strange to be done - because I'm not really. The bar looms large. But also because law school seems to have turned me into something of a Type A, or maybe just a B+ - I constantly feel the need to be doing something, to be bettering/contributing/creating something meaningful. I want my life to count.

May 4

2010-05-04T13:35:00.001-07:00

Last law school class ever was yesterday! I'm finding it hard to focus on finals - I feel restless and out of place. I can't seem to stop fretting over the job situation. It is my buddy's birthday tonight, and we have a lot of fun in store - first a winery and then probably laser tag. Nothing helps me burn off steam more right now than some good time with my friends.

One more

2010-05-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

I have one more: Elder Law Class; Tax Class; Elder Law paper; final for each class; WLF meeting; Law Review get-together; law buddy's birthday celebration.

And then, I have one more graduation.

Still Alive

2010-04-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive. I didn't intentionally abandon the blog - it has been a busy and difficult couple of months.

At the end of January was the LGBT Moot Court Competition. There were three of us, including my partner from NAAC. He ended up winning the Best Oral Advocate Award for the competition - I was so proud. It was nice to get out of Eugene and see a little slice of LA (very little since we never went beyond a square mile radius of the hotel).

In February the attorney I worked for over the summer called me with an emergency editing project. She told me she would pay me doubletime, which was great, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make room in my schedule to do the project. She still has yet to pay me, and it is now April. Nor has she paid me for the work I did for her in December. She keeps promising to send it my way and then has a reason why she hasn't. This reinforces my initial resolve not to work for her after school if I can in any way avoid it. I need more organization in my career. I hope I can stick to this resolve. At the end of the month I had an interview with a judge in Portland. I walked away knowing that I didn't get it - not much of a connection. I got the rejection letter yesterday.

In March, Grandpa passed away. I missed a week of school to be with the family and help with the arrangements. I'm still catching up, and still dealing with his death. It's hitting me in different ways than I expected.

My 25th birthday was this weekend. I went out with friends, so that was enjoyable. But it has made me feel old and unaccomplished.

So, the reason I haven't been posting is that life hasn't been easy lately. I'm still really happy with my relationship, and the people around me at school, but I'm struggling to stay focused at school, particularly when most of my classes this semester deal with death. It feels like this time is about the end of a lot of things - the end of having a grandfather, the end of three years of law school, the end of the 18-24 age bracket, the end of this stage of my life. I really hope things start to be about beginnings rather than endings soon.

LA

2010-01-29T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm in Los Angeles right now for the LGBT Moot Court competition. I'm in the process of writing a long post about how the last couple weeks have been, so more will be on its way.

Bankruptcy

2009-12-07T22:50:00.001-08:00

Took my Bankruptcy final today. While I don't regret taking the class, because I learned about a process I didn't know anything about at all before taking it, I don't know that I've ever felt so bad about a final before. I ran out of time for the last two questions, so I did a pretty terrible job on them, and there were only nine questions. I didn't feel confident about any of my answers. A lot of my colleagues also said they struggled, but it doesn't feel like anyone did as awful a job as I did. I have another final tomorrow afternoon, and then Wednesday I'm heading out of town. Just stay focused and work through it.

Angst

2009-12-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

Angst angst angst angst. I feel anxious of everything. The future - I don't know what is going to happen in any area of my life. Finals - I don't feel like I've absorbed anything about the two subjects I'm being tested on, despite diligently studying for the last week. I want to make something of myself, I want my life to mean something. I'm not sure it will, despite all my efforts. Also, I fear this thought makes me sound like a self-important jerk. Angst angst angst.

PMF

2009-11-30T17:55:00.001-08:00

I applied for the Presidential Managment Fellowship a few monthis ago. It is a prestigious program to get positions with the federal government, albeit non-legal positions. I got an email from the feds today - my nomination has been accepted, which means that the next part of the process is to take a test which evaluates my critical thinking skills, writing fundamentals, and life experiences. This last one makes me chuckle. I'm white, young, and middle class. What kind of life experiences are they looking for? I'm not sure what I have to stand out. I'm kind if ambivalent about the program - in some respects, I'd love to work for the federal government, but I'd prefer it to be in a legal position. I have heard that a position through PMF can springboard you to a legal job through a lateral transfer. Turns out I really am broadening the scope of my job search.

Lamplight

2009-11-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely Thanksgiving in Portland with my cousins. It is a glorious thing to be related to foodies. My lecherous 94-year-old great uncle was there, singing loudly in Yiddish and making kissy faces at me from across the table. It was, in a word, fabulous.

Now it is time for studying. Finals are a week away. I only have 2 finals this semester, but that definitely feels like enough, particularly since they are back to back (this is the first time I have ever had back-to-back finals). Neither final is in a subject I feel terribly confident about (Bankruptcy and Constitutional Law II), so it is hard to will myself to study when I still feel as though I won't do well.

After finals I am driving to Spokane to visit my grandmother - Grandpa is in the hospital. Then a few days with Avoiding Turtles in Coeur d'Alene at the camp she works at - really looking forward to that, a couple of days of simple living, canoeing and hiking and being unplugged. Then back to Seattle for a few days, then a visit to Portland with my man to visit his best friend's family. I'm really looking forward to seeing those little boys, but sad that I'll be missing the high school group's Christmas party (I had scheduled the visit to Portland before I knew about the party). Then back to Seattle to write a brief for the LGBT Moot Court Competition. I know, I know, I'm crazy, doing another competition - but I get to do it with the same partner I had for NAAC, and I love appellate-level oral arguments, and I'm obviously very interested in this topic, and I get to work a trip to California into the mix.

In the midst of all the activity over break I should be applying for jobs also. At this point, I estimate that I've applied to between 85-100 jobs. I know that people who are more highly ranked than I am (ranking as far as grades go) are also struggling to find something. I am still vowing to find a job before I graduate, but at this point my vow is more of a motivating pledge than a promise which has consequences if broken. Worst comes to worst, I'll graduate, take the bar, and start looking then. It isn't the end of the world, just not preferable.

Cheery

2009-11-10T16:06:00.000-08:00

I don't mean for all of my posts here to be so dour. I seem to write when I'm ruminating over the choices I need to make in my life. I'm actually generally fairly happy. I've enjoyed my experiences here in law school, and I have a great group of friends that I'm fairly certain I've made for life. We make a point of cooking dinner for each other every Thursday night to decompress. I have access to the campus swimming pool, I have a lovely little cottage all to myself, I occasionally have time to paint and bake. I go on mini-vacations, get to explore Eugene, Portland, the Oregon Coast. In January some law buddies and I are going to Vegas. I'm surrounded by witty people who make me laugh. I have my own desk in the law review office (probably one of the highlights of my year, as silly as it sounds!) My life is actually pretty blessed. It's just these damned choices that keep popping up that I feel compelled to document. I'll try to make a point of posting more about the things that keep me going, and that make me happy there are lots of them.

Forks

2009-11-10T15:17:00.000-08:00

I got my rejection letter from the WAGO on Sunday. I can't say that I was too surprised. I'm 3 for 3 now as far as the interview to rejection ratio goes. Everyone says, at least you got interviews! It is nice to get interviews, but you know what's nicer? A jobby job. I sent out fifteen more applications last week, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I have a lot to keep busy with in school right now, so it's just good to know those applications are floating around out there in the ether, waiting to capture me a job. I used a different writing sample this time, thinking maybe my writing sample was what was hurting me, though I am pretty sure it is just the incredible amount of competition stemming from the dire state of the economy right now.

This blog has always been about law school, and my legal career, but both of those paths have been inextricably crossed with the paths of my relationships. I'm definitely at a crossroads. I saw the man over the weekend, when I was up in Seattle for a friend's wedding. He admitted that he's still not sure of his decision, that he does like children, that he's having a bit of a midlife crisis right now, and the he still loves me (I admitted I still love him too). We agreed to go to counseling in December, after finals and during winter break. I told him this wasn't going to change my decisions about where to accept a job, that this doesn't mean we are back together - it means that we're at "it's complicated." He needs to get to a place emotionally where he can make decisions about his future. I need to give this relationship a real try - if I didn't, I'd always wonder. Especially since I'm still just as in love with him as I was before I broke it off. But this means the path before me keeps forking. I was beginning to adjust to the idea of going anywhere in the country, but if we get back together I'll be heading back towards Seattle - but potentially after a year or so in a different location. I want this relationship to work more than I can describe, but I also want to be fulfilled professionally, and I'm not sure that can happen if I stay exclusively in Seattle.

Hmm. I hope one day, when I'm established in the world, I can look back at this time of my life and think about how silly all of my worrying was. But right now, it's just making my stomach ache.

Shark

2009-11-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning for a couple of weeks to post about how my interview with the Judge in Spokane went. It was such a great interview - one of the best I've ever had. The Judge was kind, personable, and easy to talk to. He went to the same community college as I did at the same age that I went. We talked about LGBT issues and jurisprudential philosophy. The interview was natural and conversational, and the second half of the interview involved speaking with his clerks about their job duties. The Judge did tell me, however, that he was interviewing a dozen people, and that it was the most competitive pool he has seen in recent memory as a result of the economy. I knew it was a long shot if my odds were 1 in 12, but I couldn't help feeling as though I had a chance, since the interview had gone so well.

But.

I got the call on Tuesday that I didn't get the job. I have to admit, I was pretty crushed. The clerk who called left a voicemail, saying that the Judge wanted me to know that he was sure I would have done a great job, that it was a very difficult decision, that they all really enjoyed meeting me. From her tone, it sounded as though I might have been the runner-up. I sent a letter thanking them for the opportunity and letting them know I'd like to stay in the running should the circumstances change. But it is hard to move forward from this. It really felt like this was going to be where I was headed after my hard work in school - an appellate clerkship in Washington for two years with a judge I really liked. But now it is back to applying cold for positions for which I don't have much of a shot.

Alaska also turned me down. Still waiting on the WAGO.

I've missed some clerkship deadlines for places I didn't have much interest in living before I started receiving the steady stream of rejections. I think it is time to expand my horizons - geographically, professionally, personally. I am going to be extending my search to all over the country, not just the west, D.C., and Chicago. And I'm going to look for nontraditional law jobs. I will not be without a job when I graduate - this I vow. I'm thinking about LLM fellowship programs to apply to after a couple years of practice. I am 24 years old - younger than most of my colleagues. I will have a J.D. degree by the time I'm 25. That means I have a sufficient amount of time to achieve something - a job I feel great about, a big case, an additional graduate degree - by the time I'm 30. I need to be the shark. I need to move forward for this to happen. Rejections are going to keep coming - but all I need is that one yes.

Looking Up

2009-10-13T09:06:00.001-07:00

Things are starting to look up a little bit on the job front. I got a letter a couple weeks ago from a judge on the Washington Court of Appeals, Division III (which is in Spokane). The letter basically said that the judge had received my application and would be interviewing sometime in October; he would let applicants know if they are selected for an interview. I wrote back a very quick letter thanking him for letting me know what his interview schedule was like. I then got another letter from the judge shortly thereafter, so I figured it was a rejection letter. As a result, I didn't open it for two days. When I did open it, it was an invitation to call his chambers to set up an interview!

The interview is next Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. I'm flying to Spokane from Portland because I was able to get a ticket for pretty cheap, and I'll be able to spend some time with my grandparents, which will be really nice - usually I don't get to see them until Christmas, and even then not for more than a day or so. I also got an email this weekend from the Washington Attorney General's Office - they assigned me an interview time of Monday, October 19th at 3:00 p.m., and are unable to move the time because the schedule is so full. They are allowing me to do the interview telephonically however, which is what I'm going to do since I'm flying to Spokane that evening. Next week is going to be busy, and stressful! But it is really rewarding to know that some of my hard work from last year is paying off in the form of interviews this year. I just need to remind myself that these are interviews, not offers, and it is important to keep applying as a result. But three interviews means three more chances for a job offer.

My worst fear at this point, though, is if Alaska calls and offers me a position before my other interviews, but not a positionat the Supreme Court level (they were interviewing for the Supreme Court, the Court of Appeals (which only handles criminal appeals) and the trial courts). What would I do then? I don't really feel like I am in the position to turn it down but at the same time, what if one of these other two places wants to give me a job? So, I'm hoping one of two things happens: 1) Alaska doesn't call before my other two interviews, so when they do call I can try to figure out if I have some options; 2) Alaska calls and offers me a Supreme Court position before my other two interviews, which I accept and cancel the other two (but still go see my grandparents since I purchased the flight!).

On a completely different note, I have my first real case with the Domestic Violence Clinic - a real client, who has a real need for protection from her abuser for both herself and her children. I'm pretty terrified I'm going to screw this up somehow. But at the same time, it is exhilarating to be doing something real. The hearing is on October 26th. I need to get the ball rolling on prepping my witnesses - that is my other task for this week. This case has made me realize that I don't think I can do this kind of work for a living - my client made some choices which subjected her children to abuse by their father on more than one occasion, and while she's looking out for them now, I did have some trouble dealing with this fact when I first got the case. I realized I'd rather be doing the kind of work I was involved with at the DOJ - taking kids away from parents who are abusive and trying to make sure those kids have a chance at a better life.

Rejection

2009-09-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

There is a steady stream of rejection letters coming through the mailbox right now. It is demoralizing to know that they will likely continue with the jobs I'm planning on applying to in the next couple of weeks, since the applicant pool for all of those jobs is so competitive.

I don't get the feeling that the Alaska Supreme Court interview went all that well. It didn't go poorly, but it was only 30 minutes long, and it felt like the Justice talked for at least 12 minutes of that time. I don't feel like I was able to get my personality out, to stand out from the pack. I just had standard responses and standard questions prepared. And he was planning on conducting interviews at eight other schools, most of which are more highly ranked than mine. He said they'd let us know in early- to mid-October.

I'm startying to panic that I don't have a job. I know it is rough out there; I know lots of my fellow 3Ls won't have jobs when they graduate. I know this in my head. That doesn't change the reality that I'm practically praying not to be one of those 3Ls. I need to broaden my scope. I need to accept what is offered to me. I need to stop thinking that a miracle is going to happen. And I need to work harder to get somewhere that I'll be happy with what I'm doing.

Lavender Law; Last Year Apathy; Rain; Interviews

2009-09-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

Last week was Lavender Law, the National LGBT Law Conference, in Brooklyn, NY (I attended the same conference last year when it was held in San Francisco). The school was able to send twelve people this year, which was quite a turn out. I figure for $27,000 a year in tuition, I needn't feel guitly for taking advantage of a couple of free trips paid for by the school when the opportunities arise. It was overall a good trip - I didn't get to see as much of the city as I had planned because I was pretty tired for the majority of the trip after taking three connecting red eye flights to get there (Eugene to San Francisco, San Francisco to Chicago, Chicago to La Guardia, van pool from La Guardia to the hotel in Brooklyn). But the panels were inspiring, and I heard several leaders of the LGBT rights movement speak, including Kevin Cathcart (Director for Lambda Legal) and Shannon Minter (Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, whom I introduced myself to in the hopes that we can get him to come speak at UO sometime this year). The hotel room was the size of a postage stamp, but it actually worked out okay - I bonded with a few people I hadn't expected, staying up until 2:3o a.m. one night chatting about our futures over cheese pizza. The career fair portion of the conference made my realize more concretely for the first time that I really may end up anywhere in the country now that I'm not focused on Washington state. Before the career fair, this fact had been more of an abstract concept. Talking with recruiters from D.C. made me realize I could really truly end up there, if only for a few years.

I have not gotten a single interview as a result of my applications to federal clerkships, but I'm really not that surprised. A fellow colleage of mine on law review who is higher ranked than I am applied to 200 judges and only got one interview, that's how dire the situation is for third-year law students right now. However, I did apply for a clerkship with the Alaska Supreme Court, and I have an interview with them next week. I'm trying not to get too excited, because the possibility of being hired is still fairly remote, but I think going to Alaska for a year would be the adventure I've been looking for. As my friend L reminds me, I could live anywhere for a year. When I was younger, I used to think a year was an interminable period of time, but now it just races by. If I did get offered a position in Alaska, I would take it in a heartbeat. I don't think they are planning on making any offers until December, but right now I really just need to focus on the interview, for which I'm planning to do copious amounts of research.

It's raining right now - rain makes me feel at home. It makes me miss Seattle. Even though the relationship tie isn't there anymore, Seattle is still my home, and I think it is important for me to be relatively close to it in a few years, particularly as my parents start to get older. But I'm not really in a position to be choosy right now when it comes to accepting positions offered, should I get any offers.

For the first time in a long time, I feel truly apathetic about school, and this concerns me. A lot of the other third years are somewhat cavalier about their apathy, but for me, it's worrisome. School is always something I've enjoyed and at which I've excelled; I know it's our third year, but it isn't normal for me to care so little. I'm not cutting classes, and I'm still doing the reading, but it's been difficult to stay energized and engaged. Maybe somehow I'll find a way of reclaiming that energy as the semester progresses. I'm still struggling with how to adjust my old dreams of my future to the current reality of that future, and it is likely that that is primarily what is affecting me regarding school. Stay focused, self. Don't blow two years of work on the end of a relationship, even if the end of that relationship is validly distracting.

Clerkships

2009-09-08T17:47:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I finished my federal clerkship applications. It was a somewhat arduous task for a job which I likely have an ice cube's chance in hell of getting - but you can't know until you try. A clerkship (working for a judge for one to two years researching and writing opinions and watching trials) would not only be a way of getting better at research and writing and learning the ins and outs of the judicial system, it would allow me to gain a little prestigious real world experience before applying to more long term jobs - and it would allow me to postpone making the decision about where to actually end up, personally, geographically, and professionally, for another year. For federal clerkships, I applied to judges in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Nevada, California, Alaska, Chicago, and D.C. - anywhere I could actually see myself living. Because I'm not in the top twenty-five percent of my class (I'm in the top forty), it is possible that more than half of the judges will just chuck my application without reading it. But like my Dad says with regard to job offers: all you need is one.

Balance

2009-08-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

Behind the scenes in all of the choices I've made over the last two years, there was Ryan. I chose to come back to Seattle during the summer after each year of law school because I wanted to make sure we had real face time with one another - being in a long distance relationship nine months out of the year was quite enough. I chose to got to the U of O instead of UC Davis in part to be closer to Ryan (though proximity to family and friends and the money also played a big part of that decision). I dreamed of obtaining that balance between a fulfilling career and domestic felicity (a husband, two kids, a house with a great kitchen and room for my books) which I suspect is the new American Dream of many of the women of my generation. Ryan helped me pick out my classes, find things on Westlaw, get in touch with attorneys, and reassure me that my own angst-filled experiences in law school were not so very different from his. We'd talk about the cases we were handling at our jobs or interesting legal issues that came up in the news; we'd discuss whether one point of an argument was stronger than another. This being my last year, I planned to do my damnedest to get a judicial clerkship or job in Seattle for this coming fall so I could stay close to Ryan. My plan for this year was to finish out my time in Oregon, graduate, move back to Washington and live with him while I prepared for the bar exam. I had this dream of us living in our very own home in Seattle with our student debt paid off and our respective law practices flourishing, and, in a couple of years, little feet running on hardwood floors. It seems, however, that Ryan does not share this last part of my dream. As much as two people can love each other, they cannot move forward together if they aren't traveling to the same place. He was undecided until recently about whether he wanted a family, but I had so hoped that he would come around, that maybe he would adopt my dreams as his own. In fact, I'd prayed for it, and I'm not entirely sure there's anybody up there listening, so I think that's a pretty good indicator of how much I wanted it. I wanted this man to be the one by my side as I graduated, studied and (hopefully) passed the bar, the one I walked down the aisle toward, the father of the children I always knew I would have. We had our issues, but he is kind, he's smart, he's generous, he understands me, he's considerate and thoughtful and he makes me laugh - and I still love him, even though I was the one to break it off. This year is going to be a hard one. I'm trying very hard to keep myself as busy with work and school as possible, but I feel a chronic sadness creeping in around the edges of all the tasks I undertake.

Now I feel, both personally and professionally, as though I am adrift in an unfamilar harbor after I'd been happily tethered for some time. What will I do now? My goal was to end up in Washington for my career and my family but now my options are wide open, and that quite frankly scares the hell out of me. I think that my ultimate goal is still to end up in Washington - my friends are there, my family is there, and for me it is particularly difficult to start over. But I'll never have a better chance to pursue that need for adventure that has been jangling around my brain for the last few months, or to pursue the secret career ambitions I've been harboring - to work for the NCLR in San Francisco, or the HRC or the Department of Education in Washington D.C., or to go into private practice in Portland, where most of my law buddies will end up. Or maybe, after all this talk of the need for a change and for adventure, I'll end up right back in Seattle after school. I know that is what friends and family would like best, but as I said, what better opportunity for adventure than now - when the ties to my original dreams have been severed?

Kid Law

2009-07-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

Despite all of my complaining, I did end up getting a second job with a family law focus. I'm currently doing a child custody research project for a solo practitioner, and I will be at her service for the rest of the summer. Ironically enough, I got the job with her the day before the family law firm I originally interviewed with offered me the job, after initially telling me I didn't have it because I didn't have work study. Even more ironically, both the solo practitioner I work for and this other firm have offices on the same floor in the same building, so I keep bumping into the fellow who interviewed me - only slightly awkward. The money is good with this job, and it is nice to be contributing to the household again, I just feel anxious about the amount of time it is taking me to actually figure out the answers to each legal question that faces us. But the legal questions themselves are quite interesting, and I'm using a lot of what I learned this past year at the DOJ about dependency and what I learned in class about parental rights.

I'm thinking more and more about what I want to do with my career. I just keep coming back to something with kids (in addition to my passion for LGBT rights). A couple of weeks ago I had a lunch date with an attorney who is the wife of one of the attorneys at Ryan's firm, and she practices education law, representing school districts. That just sounds fascinating to me. To work to support teachers in their efforts to support the children they teach would be an honor. Those jobs are hard to come by though, so I'm trying to be realistic about my future employment, particularly in this economy. Lately when anyone has asked me what I want to do I say, "family law or education law." What I really think to myself is anything that has to do with kids, LGBT issues, or the intersection of the two. Kids are the shining beacon for the future. You can truly help kids get on the right track in life, before their minds close and the pressures of existing close in on them, before they feel the need to prove something to the world about their toughness or their nonchalance. You can shield them and provide for them in a way you just can't do for adults without engendering resentment or a false sense of obligation. My whole working life has been involved with children, politics, and the law. I just need to find a way to combine the three in my career.

ERW

2009-06-18T16:36:00.001-07:00

I did end up getting a job, after all (everyone knew that I would but it was certainly felt uncertain in my own mind for the first few weeks I was up here). I'm working at Equal Rights Washington, an LGBTQ rights organization. I turned down a paid position doing personal injury work to take this position. My thought was that this is really the last summer where I will have the luxury of working for free for something about which I am passionate. I have no intention of doing personal injury work in the future and the thought of spending my whole summer doing that was less than appealing. I think I made the right decision, but I still feel somewhat remorseful that I was unable to get any sort of true legal job. I did interview for a part-time family law gig last week (since I will only be working at ERW part time), but they did not respond by the date they told me they would. They may still do so, but with each passing day the chance of that happening grows more and more unlikely.

At ERW I'm doing mostly political work, as we're currently fighting a campaign to keep Referendum 71 off the November ballot (the anti-gay rights groups are trying to get the most recent expansion of Washington's domestic partnership rights repealed). I've been writing up a lot of talking points, op-eds, etc. Because the schedule is so flexible I've had a lot of time to visit with friends, work on law review, make challenging new recipes, et cetera. I know I should just be enjoying myself, but I keep feeling as though there's something more in my professional life I should be working towards...but what?

Networking

2009-05-24T23:19:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to learn how to network. I'm making lunch dates with contacts I've made through career fairs and trying to reach out to new people. I'm really struggling with it though. It feels foreign and forced. When you get to law school, you think, if I just work really hard, I'll get somewhere based on my merit. Once you're there, you realize it really is who you know - or, at the very least, how you come off when you meet them.

2L Year

2009-05-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

Despite my current unemployment situation, I think I need to remind myself of all the things I did accomplish this past year - the most stressful, but the most rewarding, of my life thus far. Lists are always good.

- Competed in the regionals of a national moot court competition (National Appellate Advocacy Competition)
- Ran for and was elected to Executive Editor of the Oregon Law Review Managing Board
- Organized a speaker series on Women and Money for the Women's Law Forum
- Worked part-time at the Department of Justice the whole year
- Helped organize both the spring and regional ADR competitions
- Took a nearly full load each semester

Despite my current frustrations, I can at least be proud of what I was able to do these last nine months, if not these current three.

Seattle

2009-05-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Seattle for the summer to be with my man. I left a job where I was well liked and good at what I did to come up here in the hopes of finding something in the ways of employment or volunteering. I found out the day before I left I didn't get the judicial externship I had gone out for due to extenuating circumstances - the judge would have hired me, but because one of her colleagues had switched dockets and couldn't accomodate an extern but had already promised an extern a position, my judge had to take that extern instead of me.

I've been here a week and had zero luck. I've applied to many different places and tapped out many of my contacts. Its looking like a summer full of lunches with networking leads that don't actually go anywhere, but might be good for the future. It is always good to meet people, but it doesn't do much to help the situation now. I do have a potential volunteering gig with Lambda Legal lined up if nothing else pans out, and for that I am very grateful. But that gig is only if nothing else pans out, because it wouldn't be very much work - certainly not enough to fill a whole summer's worth. I worked my tail off this past year to make sure that I wouldn't end up in this situation again, to have the kind of resume I could proudly push across a desk, and yet here I am, jobless, with not even a full-time volunteer position, and without any leads. And housewifery just isn't for me - I already feel as though I have cabin fever, and there's a sink full of dishes I'm dreading doing. I really don't want to take summer school again and I really don't want to be a research assistant again, but it looks as though I might not have a choice.

Finals

2009-05-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have a paper due tomorrow. It's up to twenty-five pages and it still isn't done. I've been working on it for months, and yet it still isn't done. Why do I always do this to myself? It's not like procrastination is an uncommon problem but you think we would start teaching ourselves ways to avoid it. For example, I'm blogging right now when I should be working on my paper. Yet another tool encouraging procrastination, not discouraging it. After that, I have a final on Wednesday, a final on Friday, a week of work, packing my apartment, and then back up to Seattle. I'm ready to go now. These just feel like the details in between.

Sarah Weddington

2009-04-23T13:15:00.001-07:00

If I were asked what was the defining moment thus far in my legal career, I would now be able to answer: driving one of the country's leading feminist and greatest legal minds to the airport.

Sarah Weddington, the winning attorney in Roe v. Wade, was the speaker the Women's Law Forum had been working all year to bring to the University of Oregon School of Law. The Women's Law Forum director, Katie, had gotten the funding and approval to bring Dr. Weddington over a year in advance of the scheduled presentation date. This event was her baby, and all of the Women's Law Forum Executive Board members, myself included, were excited. But we had no idea what Dr. Weddington would be like.

When bringing a nationally recognized speaker to a law school like ours - not as highly ranked, in a smallish town in Oregon - one never knows what to expect. She could have been harsh and unyielding or standoffish and alloof. To our great surprise and delight, she was one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I have ever met.

As the Public Relations Officer for the Women's Law Forum, I had been advertising the law school listserv all week about the event, which was to happen from 5:00 to 6:00 in the evening, with a book signing before and a catered reception to follow. I was careful to refrain from specifying in the emails whether Dr. Weddington would be attending the reception, as she was not contractually obligated to do so. When I arrived at the event - in my favorite suit, of course - Katie told me Dr. Weddington would not only be joining us for the reception, but that she would also be taking the entire Executive Board of the Women's Law Forum out to dinner. I had had plans with friends afterwards, but needless to say, I changed them.

I bought my copy of Dr. Weddington's memoir, "A Question of Choice," from the table outside the room where Dr. Weddington would be speaking, and waited, admittedly not very patiently, with the rest of the Executive Board members. I say not very patiently because Dr. Weddington took the time to not only sign the books, but to write a personalized message for each person in the line, which I discovered when my turn came (along with the guilt for my previous inpatience). In her Texas drawl, Dr. Weddington asked how to spell my name (with a K, not a C) and whether I was an executive board member. I replied in the affirmative, and told her it had been my job to send the emails to the listserv. As she wrote the message, she asked me if I spelled email with or without a hypen, and I told her without, though I should know, as I was on law review. Her message was: "Yeah for all of your emails and your law review, I hope you enjoy this book!” with the date and her name.

Dr. Weddington’s presentation made us all realize the true value of a good storyteller. She began her speech with what she later characterized as “softer material,” speaking to some of her experiences after Roe. She told us the story of wearing on a plane a button that had a picture of a coat hanger with an x through it to symbolize the end to back alley abortions. She said the flight attendant would walk by and “she would looook at that button, and she would walk by again and loooook at that button, and finally she stopped and asked me, ‘Now what have you got against coat hangers?’” Dr. Weddington told us how she always tells her students these days how important it is to be nice to everyone, and naturally there was a story behind that philosophy. Before Dr. Weddington came to argue Roe before the Supreme Court of the United States in 1973, she was a young female attorney in Texas looking for a job. She interviewed at a firm where all the partners were men. They told her, “We can’t hire you because we need to be able to cuss out new attorneys, and you’re a woman so we can’t do that!” She responded, “I think we can work something out.” They told her, “We can’t hire you because we work long hours and women need to be home in the evenings to make the meals!” She responded, “I think we can work something out there too.” Needless to say, they didn’t hire her. Many years later, when she was serving in the Carter administration, one of the partners who interviewed her applied for a federal judgeship. There were three people in the administration who had to sign off on his candidacy, and she was one of them. She went to President Carter and told him, “If you make me I will sign off on this but I don’t want to if I don’t have to.” President Carter told her she was free to make her own decisions. Needless to say, that partner did not become a federal judge.

Dr. Weddington told us of her experiences before the Supreme Court in Roe – the somberness of the procession of the judges from their chambers through the heavy red velvet curtains, preceded by the “Oyez Oyez Oyez” of the bailiff, the royal-like colors, the solid marble and the gold gild of the nation’s highest court. She told us of her basis of the right to privacy in Baird and Eisenstadt, as well as in the penumbras of the many of the amendments contained in the Bill of Rights (as one of the Justices said, locating the right of privacy wherever the Justices could find it.) And then she told us about her thoughts for the future. Sarah (as she later insisted the members of the board call her) told us of her fear for Justice Ginsberg’s health, her hopes that the court will gain Justices who are women or minorities, her hopes that the women of my generation will not allow the freedoms of Roe to be eroded. Women of my generation, she asserted, perhaps did not feel as strongly about the issue, because they had never known a time when abortion was not legal, not obtainable, but that we must fight to keep from losing the right altogether. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how right she was – I had always taken it for granted that I would have the right to choose. I realized how lost I would feel if that right were taken away. My generation must fight to ensure that it does not happen.

Sarah closed the presentation by telling us about the memorabilia in her office.

“If you come to my office in Texas, you’ll see a hand-made goose quill pen framed on my wall. When you argue in the Supreme Court, they leave that on your desk as a souvenir for having argued in the Supreme Court, as so few lawyers ever have that opportunity. Above that is a color photograph of the justices on the bench in 1973, signed by each of them. When you win a case in the Supreme Court, you can send in a photograph and the justices will sign it. People often ask me, ‘Will the judges still sign a photograph if you’ve lost in the Supreme Court?” and I reply, “I don’t know. I’ve never lost.”

After her presentation came the reception. I spent the first few minutes running through the law school commons (without my heels) carrying the heavy but gorgeous floral arrangements we had placed in the class room up to the fourth floor. When I finally got my share of cedar planked salmon and crab cakes, I chatted with a couple of fellow law students and watched how Sarah attracted people to her like flies to honey. She made a point of circulating around the room so even those too shy to approach her would have the opportunity to meet her and ask questions. After a few hours, as the food and the guests steadily depleted, Sarah had the remaining students gather around so we could chat with her about women’s rights and how far they have (or have not) come.

And after that, she took the board members to dinner.

I say took because she very graciously paid for the meal at the end. She listened intently as we all discussed professors and classes to take for the next year. When the subject changed, I used the pause to ask her what advice she had for us about networking. A few people caught their breath, thinking I was asking for contacts – I clarified by saying, “I don’t mean names, just if you have any advice on how to use networking to our advantage – right now it feels kind of distasteful, as though our merit doesn’t count.” She told us that it helped her to look at it as an exchange, between two people – while they may be doing something for you now, you’ll be able to do something for them later. That helped me tremendously. Lately I’ve been feeling somewhat put off by the whole “It’s not what you know but who” system of law – hearing Sarah say that it was okay to use your contacts to your advantage if you pay it back (or even forward) had the effect of assuaging my feelings on the matter. Between demure bites of her endive salad, Sarah in essence told us it was all right for us to play the way that men did – the important thing was playing.

I had volunteered to drive Sarah to the airport the next morning because I had to be at work early anyway. On my way to the hotel around 6:15 a.m., I decided not to ask her any questions about Roe – she had, after all, been talking about the same case for almost the last forty years of her life. Sarah came down from her room around 6:30 and invited me to have breakfast with her. We split a Belgian waffle, a few Danishes, and a couple of spoonfuls of peaches over discussions of her work as a divorce attorney. I told her I was heartened to hear that after Roe she had done divorce work, since that was something I was considering, though the profession did not have an incredibly illustrious reputation. Sarah pointed out that it is such a necessary line of work; it was particularly the case when she was practicing that women who were being divorced were downtrodden, and she said that by the end of their cases they began feeling more empowered. I almost lost track of time, listening to her stories; she kept me on track by saying, “One last bite and then we’ll hit the road.”

In the car on the way to the airport, I told her how much her advice about networking and contacts had meant to me. I had an interview that Monday for a judicial externship, I informed her, and my mother knew the judge – should I mention that in the interview? “Yes, absolutely,” Sarah said. “Don’t even wait until they ask why you want the job, say right up front that your mother thinks the judge is wonderful.” I told her that I had been thinking about how my generation does take for granted our rights and the ease with which we can procure employment – in fact, there were several times that I got a job most likely because I was a woman. Sarah said that was why she had gotten some of her positions as well, particularly because the Carter administration had made a decision to make it a point to hire more women. When we arrived at the airport, Sarah through her arms open and gave be a big Texas hug, thanking me for the wonderful time she had had in Eugene.

As I drove away, I realized that one of the foremost feminists in the country had just let me talk about myself, my situation, and my generation’s concerns for the last hour. I will always remember her stories, her advice, her determination, and her brilliance – but what I will remember most is her kindness.

Spring Break

2009-03-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

This is the last day of spring break. I was gloriously unproductive over break; my laziness was unrivaled. And yet, I feel resentment that this, my last day, must be spent in the library, when the sun appears to be breaking through the clouds outside.

I really should have been working harder, but it felt so amazing to just relax for a few days. Monday of this past week I had an interview with a federal general counsel office - I don't think it went well. From the moment I sat down, the head boss lady seemed to be challenging everything I said. It seemed as though she was trying to dissuade me from wanting the job. On top of that, they won't have a decision made until mid-April. Oy vey.

Back to Business Associations - by far the most boring class this term.

The Publishable Piece

2009-03-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of finishing my publishable piece for law review (due on Friday). I keep adding and taking away and revising what I already have. Writing right now feels like trying to control the aperture on an old-school SLR camera: constantly finding and then losing focus on my subject. What am I trying to say? I hardly know anymore. But I do know it will be done on Friday, and my spring break can begin.

Back from NAAC

2009-03-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

I've been back from NAAC for a week and I still feel fairly exhausted. It was both one of the most exhilirating and terrifying experiences I've ever had. It was funny though - once I opened my folder on the podium and looked the judges squarely in the eye, the fear dissipated, and I realized how engaging I found the challenge of oral argument. The worst part is before when you are pacing around in the corridor trying to anticipate terrible questions and having horrifying fantasies of tripping over your own two feet on the way to the podium.

My partner was phenomenal. Such a good man - kindhearted but assertive. We made a good team. There were two teams of two each, and our coach and bailiff came with us. We flew down to San Francisco on Thursday on a 7:17 a.m. flight, which meant getting up at 4:30 a.m. to finish packing. Our bailiff had arranged for a shuttle from the airport to the hotel, which took the guess work out of trying to get around and made the trip much more relaxed. After we checked into our rooms at the Hotel Monaco (posh!) the whole gange went to the Cheesecake Factory. (Out of all the restaurants in San Francisco, we pick the chainiest of them all.) It was interesting to discover how little we all knew each other. Amy, the girl on the other team who helped me so much with my brief, has lived in so many different places: Maine, Montana, San Francisco, Africa! I felt young and inexperienced in comparison. After lunch we spent the next few hours going over our arguments and pulling on panty hose. There was something calming each day in the time it took to put on the layers of professional get-up: the make-up, the hair, the nylons, the skirts, the jackets buttoned and pressed just so -like a knight putting on his armor. We all took a cab over to the federal courthouse where we would be arguing. While the outside of the courthouse was somewhat concrete and fascist, the inside was gleaming marble, paneled wood and old leather, and for the first time it felt real. Although the organizers of the competition had neglected to supply the competitors with sufficient indications of where our briefing would be, we managed to find it in the second floor cafeteria. Our coach, Madeline, started to tell me which teams had done well last year as they came in the door, as she had been there last year to compete, but I shushed her - I didn't need to know who had the potential to crush us.

After the briefing, my partner Casey and I had to wait around until 6:15 for our first round. We spent a lot of time making small talk to distract ourselves, and the other half of the time with our shoulders stooped over our briefs, silently mouthing the already prepared sentences to ourselves. When we finally got in for our first round, we went up against a team of Beautiful People from San Diego - they were petitioners, and we were respondents. Both of the Beautiful People had a rehearsed answer for almost every question, and Casey and I were intimidated. When it came down to the judging, however, the judges told Casey and I that we had a much better grasp on sounding less stilted and canned than the other team, that we had theatricality. The judges told the other team what Ryan had told me in the past: we don't talk like we write. Still, the other team was praised for their fluidity and the strength of their arguments, and in the end it came down to an absolute tie, which was broken in our favor because we had a better brief score. It felt good to win.

The second round was not until the next day (Friday). In the morning, Amy and I found breakfast at the hotel across the street (yogurt, granola, and fresh fruit parfaits - I did make some attempt to eath healthily on this journey). Then, since Amy had lived in San Francisco before, she showed me around the city! I got to see much more of it than I had seen a few months earlier when I had been there for Lavender Law. We walked up Nob Hill, through Chinatown and Union Square. We spent a couple of hours shopping for new suits - I was Amy's personal shopper.

After our walk I quickly grabbed something to eat and spent the next couple of hours going over my notes and slipping back into the uniform. (I soon realized that any attempt to do homework on the trip was futile. All of my time was dedicated to the NAAC Problem). We went back to the courthouse where Casey and I faced the other team of Beautiful People from San Diego. They were equally poised, if not more so, than their counterparts, and in fact we lost to them on the oral argument score by five points, but we won the match because our brief score was so much higher. It didn't feel like a win though.

Casey and I went out to dinner that night alone since the rest of the team had their rounds at a later time. Casey and I talked a lot about how the experience and been and about our respective relationships. He beams when he speaks of his wife. It was very sweet.

Our next round was at 9:30 the next morning. We went against Stanford: also very poised, also very polished, not nearly as beautiful. We lost, but by less than a point. That meant even more to me that our technical win over San Diego, and because the point margin was so close, it was enough to put us into the next round - the semi-finals. Matt and Amy also advanced - I was so happy for them, just as happy as I was for Casey and me. They had worked just as hard as we had, side by side - there truly was no rivalry between us. In the fourth round, after our soggy brown bag lunch provided by the competition organizers, both UO teams lost. Casey and I lost to McGeorge - we were better than them when it came to theatricality, but some of the elements in the first few rounds for which we had been praised were interpreted by these judges as faults for which we should be penalized. The whole process was such a crap shoot - it always depends on who your judge is and what he or she thinks is an effective strategy, regardless of the criteria provided on the scoring sheet. We did UO proud, though, by making it to that round.

Saturday evening, before we flew home the next morning, we all went out for dinner and drinks at the Daily Grill, the same restaurant I had eaten at with Sally when I had been in SF for Lavender Law. It was so lovely just to eat and drink with the others who had been through this experience. It is hard to describe what it is like to those who haven't gone through it - the anguish and the intensity churning in your stomach before you approach the podium, the uncertainty in the soundness of your arguments, which all vanishes once you start talking. I discovered that I truly had the capacity to get fired up, to command the respect of those older and wiser than I, all just by speaking in a manner which was clear, calm, and forceful. The thrill of that, and knowing when you've made a good, or possibly even a great argument, once you sit down, followed by the realization of all the things you might have left out - it might keep me coming back to this for years, but then again, the anguish before hand might deter me. I love the experience once I am standing before the court, sparring with better legal minds than my own, but the preparation is truly one of the most stressful things I have endured. I went to dinner last night with my friends and they all told me how stretched thin I had seemed, how inappropriate my affect was - stonefaced at jokes, laughing at the wrong times - because my mind had always been elsewhere, turning the arguments over in my head like river rocks. But the thrill of it once you begin to speak...Madam Chief Justice, may it please the court...maybe I'm hooked.

The Competition

2009-02-23T19:26:00.000-08:00

The competition is in San Francisco in less than three days. I am already incredibly nervous. If we win we go on to nationals in April. If we lose, I have one less thing on my plate. Each has its advantages.

I had a confrontation with the Director of the Alternative Dispute Resolution Board today. She wanted to make sure I was still committed to the club and I told her straight up that my commitment is waning. My input has thus far been ignored and no one is delegating any appropriate tasks to me, so I never have any idea what is expected of me. I appreciate that she took the time to check in with me but I sincerely doubt anything is going to change - which is why I am going to have nothing to do with this club next year.

I am glad, however, that I won my preferred position on law review for next year - Executive Editor. It sounds so official. I had a cute little speech and a planted question from the audience and everything. (The question was whether "anal retentive" is hyphenated. It isn't if it is used alone, but if it is modifying another word, like "anal-retentive person", it is phyenated. That's Rule 7.90 of the Chicago Manual of Style.) It is going to be my biggest commitment next year but I think it will work out since it is going to be one of my only commitments besides classes. I would like to stay on the board of the Women's Law Forum, but in much more of an advisory capacity than this year. This year I've felt stressed out by the Women and Money Speaker Series I organized so it will be nice to pass that off to some eager 1L who will be able to put more time and energy into it than I.

I had an amazing Valentines Day with Ryan a weekend or two back. I felt truly relaxed for the first time in months. We went to see Lucy (otherwise known as Australopithecus afarensis) at the Pacific Science Center; Ryan gave me a half dozen red roses and I got dressed up for our dinner at Betty on Queen Anne, where I had the most amazing roast duck. At one point on Saturday afternoon after we got back from Lucy I fell asleep on the couch with my head on his chest. It was the most peaceful I've felt in a long time. When we were at dinner we had some important discussions about what next year is going to be like and I feel more reinforced in my decisions now. I can't wait to see him again, but before I do, I still have to write three papers, put on the regional ADR competition, compete in NAAC, and implement the transition on the OLR Board.

Oy vey.

Towel

2009-02-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

I feel like throwing in the towel. Survival isn't enough. I shouldn't feel guilty every time I take a few moments to breathe. I feel so tired in everything that I have been doing lately - it is hard to force myself to get out of bed in the morning and I feel lethargic going about my tasks during the day. I suppose a psychiatrist who heard these symptoms would say I'm a wee bit depressed, but I don't think that is what it is. I am too busy to be depressed.

Survival

2009-01-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

For the first time since I started law school, I feel utterly and completely overwhelmed. It is my own doing - I threw my hat into the ring and ended up getting more positions and accolades than I expected, or at least more than one schedule can tolerate. As a result, I feel that everything I attempt turns out mediocre, where as if there was less on my plate things could turn out well.

If I just survive these next few weeks, I can make it through. I need to tackle the following:

- Law Review Hard Edits
- Law Review Publishable Piece Requirement
- Law Review Elections (running for executive editor)
- Women's Law Forum Speaker Series that I am putting together
- Women's Law Forum Roosevelt Rush - food prep and clean up
- NAAC preparation: reading the other teams briefs and meeting with the team here every Wednesday night
- NAAC Competition in San Francisco
- ADR Competition Organizing (Intraschool)
- ADR Competition Organizing (Regional)
- Working at the DOJ
- Continuing to apply for jobs
- Class

Not necessarily in that order.

The First Week of School (Not brought to you by Mastercard)

2009-01-14T19:01:00.001-08:00

Number of bound National Appellate Advocacy Competition Briefs sent to Chicago via rush delivery: 13

Number of hours of sleep lost to preparing the brief: 14

Number of classes this week for which I have had difficult reading: 4

Surviving until the weekend: Priceless.

NAAC

2008-12-19T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be working on my brief for NAAC. I've been half-heartedly reading the cases all week. I feel lazy and lethargic. I keep creating distractions for myself. What I'd really like to do is just watch a few mindless hours of Food Network and then go for a walk with my honey. But my case briefs are due tomorrow. Bleh. This ambition thing has its pitfalls.

Finals

2008-11-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

Finals are right around the corner. I spent this cold day in my cozy apartment reading the last family law assignment for Monday's final class. Fifty five pages took me most of the day. I'm still reading as slowly as ever.

I'm concerned because I should have begun to felt fear and anxiety by now regarding finals. My outlines aren't done and my knowledge of the subjects is cursory. Instead I feel anxiety about my current job (boredom is the rule rather than the exception) and fear about not getting a decent job for the summer in Seattle. I keep looking at firms online that might hire me and then I feel that sinking feeling in the pit of my abdomen which is the fear of going through the rejection process all over again.

I (sort of) know what I want. I just need to work (harder) to get there. Chugga chugga...

The Trouble with Weekends

2008-10-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

Each Friday afternoon, I breathe a heavy sigh of relief and thank any divine power which happens to be in existence for suriving another week while simultaneously composing a list of tasks to accomplish during the upcoming weekend in my head. The List almost always looks like this:

1. Read for the week.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Exercise.
4. Paint.
5. Work on various school projects.
6. Start outlining.

Inevitably, the weekend rushes by far faster than I anticipate and I end up having only accomplished two or three tasks, somewhat half-assedly (for example, this weekend, a load of dishes was done, but two more loads are currently festering in the sink). You might think that with the thousands of weekends I've had over the course of my life I would being to understand how quickly they pass, but somehow there is an automatic reset that occurs on Monday - without fail, I begin to think about how, if I can just make it to Friday, I will have a wealth of undisturbed time with which to attack The List.

Le sigh.

Mom and Dad did come up this weekend, though, so that serves as a partial excuse. It was nice to see them - they are supportive of all my endeavors so it is nice to have the parental recognition of my efforts in person. Now I need to post this entry, shut the computer, and go back to reading, so I can scratch at least one more item off The List.

Path

2008-10-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am really loving most of my classes this semester, particularly Family Law, Domestic Violence Seminar, and Negotiations. I was so influenced by the panels at Lavender Law about the legal intersections of gay rights, family law and alternative dispute resolution (ADR) that I have decided to write my journal piece about collaborative dissolution in the LGBTQ context. I am certainly on the path to family law, and still happy with that choice. I'm just starting to question the specifics.

There are so many things I would like to achieve with a law degree: on the top of the list is working for securing the rights of same-sex couples on both the state and the federal level. Domestic partnerships (which are currently allowed in both Washington and Oregon) are a step in the right direction, but the law remains unfair until the rights of gay and lesbian couples are placed on the same plain as different-sex couples - marriage. No more, no less. No different names, no different tax consequences, and no reductions of rights.

I would also like to work for children's rights and for bringing collaborative divorces (divorces which use mediation techniques instead of adversarial techniques and very often times reduce the amount of total legal fees) more directly into the line of mainstream practice. The question is, how do I combine all of these interests? More specifically, how do I combine them all while still living in Seattle?

The problem is not so much that there aren't opportunities out there to do all of these things. Probably the best opportunity would come from moving to Washington D.C. and working for a nationally organized gay rights organization - or even to San Francisco, where there are a lot of very prominent gay rights organizations which focus specifically on the intersection with family law issues. However, in the interest of being completely and overly sappy: my heart is in Seattle. When I was younger I thought about moving away for the hell of it, but as I grew older I realized that I am too close to my family to make moving across the country a feasible option without a very good reason to do so. And, of course, there is my man. I honestly want to give myself the opportunity to build a life with him, though there is so much that is still in the air on that one. There are so many things pulling me back to the Pacific Northwest, but I find myself frequently wondering how my professional goals are going to mesh with those pulls. Not to mention how my professional goals are going to help me to get out of debt before I die.

So, in essence: I am happy with the path I have chosen - I continue to feel like it is the path which will be the most interesting, rewarding and consistent with my goals in coming to law school (which were, ultimately, to help those in need of help and to promote positive policy change in line with my values). However, almost half-way through school, I still find myself straining to see specifically where this path will lead me.

Competitor

2008-09-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

I just got back from San Francisco this past Sunday, where I went to Lavender Law, an LGBT conference for lawyers and law students. It was amazing, I met so many interesting people and was truly inspired to work for the cause. It also helped me figure out my topic for my publishable piece requirement for law review (everyone on law review has to write a 20 page article with some sort of legal implications and 6 of the articles will be selected for publication): I am going to write on collaborative dissolution in an LGBT context. We stayed in the Hyatt Regency Embarcadero and were essentially waited on hand and foot. I feel quite privileged to have been able to go.

And Thursday was the National Appellate Advocacy Competition. 16 competitors, 4 chosen. Winners go to regionals in Vegas in March '09, after extensive training with a coach and writing of a 20 page brief.

I won. I cannot believe it! Vegas '09 Baby! I hated the anxiety that comes with preparing but I walked out of the court room after my ten minute argument and said aloud, "That was fun!" Maybe I'm starting to hit my stride.

Day Two

2008-08-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

The day was going fine until I got a bitchy email from one of my professors. She had sent out an email announcement to the list serve and I missed one of the details in her announcement and asked her about it. Here is her response email:

Dear Katherine,

I debated writing this and decided that I should, in the spirit of being a teacher. I don't mean this harshly, but want you to consider this carefully. You asked me two questions that were already answered in my original announcement, which created a poor impression. I'm sure you dashed the email off without thinking carefully, and that is dangerous. Be aware of the impression you're creating, even with email. It's a tricky medium.

Professor So-and-So

For the record, I only asked her one question which was in the original email, and another question which she still hasn't answered, but seems to think she wrote about in the original email, and therefore feels the need to step on her soap box. Christ, people. It is only day two. Can't being bitchy wait until day three? Not meaning something harshly doesn't make make it any less harsh, especially with so small an oversight. It wouldn't get to me so much if this professor weren't in the department I want to go into, and has already rejected me on multiple occasions. I seem to continually earning myself a spot in her bad graces.

Day one was good, and the rest of day two was good until this. Day three will improve...I think I can I think I can...

Research

2008-08-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

I've really been dragging my feet about finishing my research for my professor. I need to write a paper summarizing my results, and read a couple of more law review articles. Why am I delaying this? I kept asking myself. Just spent one solid day tackling it and it will be done, or nearly done. But then I realized - the subject bores me to tears. Sustainability and business practices. Both very important topics to explore and implement if the U.S. is ever actually going to achieve the goals the government seems to imply it is setting for itself. But actually reading the discourse on either subject is unfortunately boring as hell. I thought I would get into it after a while, but if it hasn't happened yet it is doubtful that it ever will. When I first got into law school, everyone asked me what type of law I wanted to practice, and I told them environmental. After all, I liked trees, and politics - mostly it just served to allow whomever I was speaking with to assume that I was a) liberal and b) going into law school for the right reasons. But I've since realized that just because you like trees, doesn't mean you're going to like environmental law. We need good environmental lawyers out there, and I'd like to show my personal support in the future by writing the organizations they work for big fat checks. In the meantime, I've discovered that I find myself drawn to family law everytime it is mentioned. I liked helping people out with custody disputes while I was working at Legal Aid, I love learning about the ways the law impacts a child's life. Hell, I even think divorce is interesting - how can the death of a relationship best be handled so that each party goes away able to start anew? Which is why I decided to give up my slot in the Mediation Clinic to take Family Law. If Family Law is potentially what I want to do with my life, I need to give myself a chance to find out in my second year rather than my first if that is true.

But now, I should really do more research. Truly...

Winding Down

2008-07-29T15:21:00.001-07:00

Summer school has officially concluded, though I still have a couple of mini-papers to finish (aka begin writing - research at least has begun) and I need to sum up my research for my professor before I head back to Eugene. I did end up making a couple of friends at UW, but, as expected, it was hard to break in. Seattle is like that.

I've lost 11 pounds. This gives me hope for next year. If I can lose 11 pounds while I'm going to summer school, I can lose 10 more pounds next semester, right? There are times when law school is less about absorption of knowledge and more about time management, like making time for exercise/food/sleep/relationships/farmer's markets in addition to reading about lawsuits resulting from exercise/food/sleep/relationships/farmer's markets gone wrong.

I'm at Trabant, my favorite chai lounge (not just a coffee house!) on 45th in the U-District. Almost everyone around me either has a laptop or a book open, and there is chill music on the stereo. Perhaps I should find a place like this in Eugene to occupy as my office. The chai here is heavenly, though, and I've never found anything else like it.

As much as I have loved living with Ryan, part of me is looking forward to going back to Eugene. Sick, I know, after I bitched about it being full of crazy overly laid back hippies who drive to slow and serve pizza by the slice forty-five minutes after it was ordered while painting untold amount of pizza boxes. But, at UO Law, there is a community, and I'm eager to get started on the professional challenges this year will bring. I'm taking classes I'm interested in, I miss my law school buddies, I made law review, and I get to participate in the mediation clinic. It sounds like a fun semester. And as in love as I am with Queen Anne, there is definitely a sense of impermanence in my current living situation. Were I going to be there longer than three months, I would have spent more time arranging my belongings, but as it is half of my things are still in bags and boxes. I like having my things about me, and I'm even looking forward to feeding the chickens again! I'll always have Seattle, but Eugene, with all of its flaws, has earned a soft spot in my heart.

Summer School

2008-06-25T09:58:00.001-07:00

I pulled a shirt out of the laundry this morning to wear under another shirt (layers, you know, are all the rage) and now I smell like the bottom of a backpack, the sort of vinyl + long forgotten beach sand smell. It's not altogether terrible. But there was a reason it was in the laundry.

It's funny to be back in school with a bunch of people I don't know and who are fairly reserved (typical of Seattle). And it is good for me to be spending the summer at UW Law - it confirms the fact that things happen for a reason and I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be. UO is a much better fit. This building, which I once thought grand, is actually quite cold and sterile. The UO building is warm and friendly, with big, comfy looking chairs and a student lounge that you don't need a key card to get into. People hang out and chat, whereas here, I never see anyone until I get to a classroom. I originally planned to try to transfer after my first year in order to be closer to the boyfriend, friends and family but now I know, and I never thought I would say this, but Oregon is where I am supposed to be.

Law Review and Research Assisting

2008-06-02T09:03:00.001-07:00

The law review competition is over. I am one of the only people I know who actually completed it (writing an eight page paper and citation checking a twenty-five page law review article), so I'm pleased with that, as it means my chances of being accepted are significantly improved. Today I'm starting my research assistant position - I don't feel like I know enough to do it correctly. But, I guess this is my opportunity to find out. Sustainability, business, tax incentives. I just need to get out the door first.

Queen Anne & Dissatisfaction

2008-05-23T14:24:00.000-07:00

I am done with my first year of law school. I am proud of this accomplishment, on some level. At the same time, I feel restless and unsatisfied. It feels as though I have lost my forward momentum - I am unable to self-motivate on this law review competition the way I was through finals when the weight of my grades was crushing down on me. Those grades turned out mediocre - I didn't work my tail off for mediocre grades, so I can't help but feel disappointed. I have one week left to finish the application for law review and because I know that it will get done as all of my deadlined projects have I am unable to focus for long periods of time.

I don't feel like I have accomplished much. Everyone says the first year is the hardest. But there are still two years to go. I feel like two weeks is enough vacation, and I'm ready to tackle the next two years. I hate the in between stage. I feel the need to prove myself - but to whom? And for what?

I will be doing research assistant work this summer, and that too is somewhat self-motivated. I am hoping I will be able to regain the momentum when someone is paying me to perform.

On a positive note, I am in love with Queen Anne. I can't afford it. But I love it here. Relatively quiet, views of the sound and the city, family atmosphere with cute little Mom&Pop shops, but still so close to downtown. Someday I will have money, and I will have a house, and I will have a yard, and a cat or two, and it will still be close to the city, with a view. Maybe.

Bleh.

2008-04-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

I didn't make Moot Court.

I don't have a job for the summer.

There are issues I need to work on in my relationship.

I am 23 tomorrow.

Focus

2008-02-17T14:36:00.000-08:00

I can't find. It is sunny outside and the 50 pages of Constitutional Law reading I have look considerably less enticing than going for a walk. My parents came to visit on Friday and brought me all of my old Disney movies so watching Beauty and the Beast right now seems equally enticing.

Law school is very much a return to an environment like high school. Everybody knows everybody else's business, cliques form, dislikes emerge. There are lockers and a cafe that serves a different hot lunch every day. But the important difference from high school is choice. People chose to be here, and can choose how much effort they are going to put towards their education or how much time they would rather spend imbibing liquor. I have the choice to enjoy the sunny day for a few minutes and then to get back to reading.

Summertime

2008-02-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

And the living is easy. Or at least the potential for it to be easier is tangible, as I will be living with the man in Queen Anne. Top of the hill! I helped him pick out the apartment this weekend when I came up for the career fair. The career fair itself will probably not get me a job, so I needs to go back to lookin'. Hopefully I'll find one that pays. I would love a little income so I wouldn't feel quite so much like the mooch that I will inevitably be living with Ryan. I can do manual labor, i.e. dishes and cleaning, to make up for the lack of funds, I suppose, but it is not the same.

Sunday Mornin'

2008-01-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

It has been a good Sunday mornin'. I was going to go buy a suit today for my career fair coming up this Friday, but instead I woke up to three inches of snow. I called my parents and talked to them for an hour, then I made a snow man. Then I walked to the park and went sledding with the neighborhood kids. It is still snowing. There are about five inches now. Good day to stay in, drink hot cocoa, and read about contracts.

Spring Semester Begins

2008-01-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

The first day of school was today. I have yet to decide if I like my new professors. My property professor is uncharacteristically perky (I say uncharacteristically because perky is not usually a trait that law school professors possess.)

My grades were very good. Now, I must remind myself that the only reason they were good is because I worked my ass off. Had I not worked my ass off, they would have been poor. I need to be very careful not to get cocky this semester.

I loved seeing everyone over break. Towards the end of the second week I started getting restless, but now that I am back, though it feels good to be working towards my goals again, I need to get used to staying focused for long periods of time again. I can have a day on the weekends to play.

Ryan and I had a chat while I was home. He said that the only thing that he regretted about our age difference is that I still have so much yet to do before I settle down. And he's right - I still have so many dreams. It's led me to reconsider my plans for the summer. I may apply to go to South Africa for six weeks. Seriously. Although it can't hurt to get a head start on finding a job that meshes with my career goals, this is also the time to go and see the world, before I have a long term job, a family, and a mortgage that tie me to one place. At this point I don't know where I will spend the summer, because there is so much in Seattle which draws me back, and so many people I miss - but maybe I could split my time.

Finals

2007-12-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

I took my first final exam yesterday. All I can say is that at least I'll never have to take my first final exam again. There are so many things that I wish I had done differently, but I just didn't have time. I now have this nervous pit in my stomach which will probably remain there until after this two week period is up. 10 days left, 3 more finals to go...

Rejuvenation

2007-11-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

Colors are brighter, the air is crisper, everything is shining and new again.

The Open Memo is done.

I have never in my life worked so hard on a paper. I've spent at least 30 hours writing and researching it, if not more. I think this is the first time that I can truly say that I feel there is nothing more that I could have done - whatever grade I get is a result of my very best effort rather than something I might have worked more on. It is a new feeling. I still might end up getting a C, but I am at peace with that.

Tomorrow I go home to Seattle. I haven't seen the Needle or the Sound in 4 months - the longest I've ever been away. As much as I like it here, this isn't home. It will be a much needed break. I have a study group tonight and a couple of more classes tomorrow and then I'll hit the road.

Vindication

2007-11-06T17:54:00.000-08:00

I spent the last hour battling the fourth floor printer. About every 6 pages it decided to jam. It would then instruct the cursing and redfaced poor soul who happened to be waiting for a print job (or nine) to open the back door to inspect the supposed jam, when the only way to access the jam was from the front. I could have easily ignored the jam and tried printing to a printer on another floor, but I had worked with a much heftier and more complicated printer/copier/scanner for a year and fixed jams that made these look like mere trifles. I'd be damned if I didn't just fix the effin' thing. So I did. I now have 9 crisp printed cases beside me about binding or advisory verdicts for my LRW Open Memo. And I feel vindicated. Sometimes only the small personal victories count...

I hate that it is 6:00 p.m. and the sky is already jet black. It makes the internal argument to go home where it is warm and the TV is gently blaring all the more convincing, rather than sitting in this library under fluorescent lights reading about trials in equity versus trials in law. But if I went home now nothing would get done.

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I chosen to follow a path more like Morgen's or Rebecca's. Morgen is in Antarctica for a few months; she's spent several quarters abroad, both in Mexico and Ecuador. Rebecca moved to Alaska and never looked back. I stayed relatively close to home; I went on my trip to France but that was fairly brief. I'm happy with the decisions I've made and the relationships I've chosen to nurture as a result of those decisions. I think I'm in law school at the right time in my life; I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I just hope that feeling doesn't change. I want to be able to have the opportunities to make time for meaningful travel throughout my life - I hope my career allows me to so I minimize any regrets.

Goregous

2007-10-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

It is a really beautiful day. It's warm, not even the slightest bit crisp; the trees are red and gold. And I am in the library, next to a fellow who is chewing on his pen. (Chewing is being kind. The act is really more like gnawing, as though he were trying to get at the ink. Really, fellah? I think they make tastier things to chew on. It's called gum. Try it some time.) But, it's okay that I'm in the library because I was out all day yesterday cavorting with Mom and Dad, who very sweetly made a trip down here just to see me. We went wine tasting (who knew there was wine tasting so close to where I lived?) and Mom insisted and buying me a bottle of each wine that I liked. Really, she twisted my arm. :)

Now back to my Crim Law outline. At least I can see the goregousness through the window...

Medical Malpro

2007-10-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

I seem to have developed a reputation as "the Torts Lady", both because of my work at the firm and because of my vehement defense of the tactics of personal injury plaintiffs attorneys, particularly in medical malpractice cases. I constantly find myself in the minority in that respect.

Ooh, free pizza in the student lounge! Must run! DIVE DIVE DIVE!!!

Library

2007-10-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'm in the library right now. There is no earthly reason I should not be studying, but I'm justifying this to myself as down time after a weekend of studying. I started another study group with my guy friend Josh where we go to a different restaurant every week and study Civil Procedure. I actually have a guy friend - this is a change for me. He has a long distance girlfriend -- it takes the pressure off, neither of us has to worry about any girl-guy tension as we're both in relationships.

Okay, it really is time now.

Diversions

2007-09-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Recent developments in how to take a study break and still feel productive:

-Read the New York Times
-Bake cookies or other baked goods to share with friends and neighbors who enjoy cookes and baked goods
-Create casseroles to live on for the week
-Look like a deranged maniac while attempting to quash the fruit fly infestation in my kitchen.

Kari and Eric and Elizabeth all rolled in this weekend for a vist. We went to dinner, a (bad) drag show, watched silly movies and said silly things. Life seems a bit drab now in comparison.

But the studies will pay off...

The Fountain of Knowledge is running a little dry...

2007-09-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

I've been so good about being motivated, but yesterday I just hit a wall. I had two study sessions with our tutors, and I left each one thinking I was an idiot. Sometimes it feels as though I read for hours and I have no idea what nuggets of knowledge I should be taking away from the reading.

I still got it done though. Today and tomorrow are going to be a bit hellish.

Money

2007-09-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

I got very spoiled in the big city, working downtown with a delightful little cafe around the corner where I'd spend an ungodly amount of money each week on a daily grande soy chai. I haven't bought a soy chai since school started - a whole month. Instead, I've been funneling the money I usually would have spent on such frivolous expenses to a movie or two every weekend. I'm making my own chai mix now.

Gunners

2007-09-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am taking what is perhaps an unwarranted break. Three classes tomorrow for which to prepare.

I am trying to be nicer in my thoughts to people than I was as an undergrad. For example, when the same people raise their hands in class day after day to pose hypotheticals so far out of the realm of reality that I cannot help but inwardly groan, I try to realize that they must learn by questioning, and during this realization, I try to suppress an inward string of profanities so hostile in their nature that they would shock the conscience of many an elderly citizen.

Ye Gods, how time flies.

2007-09-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a month since I posted. I've been meaning to post for weeks now, but I just recently got internet at my apartment, and the time that I did spend on the internet was spent filtering through hundreds (and I'm not exaggerating here) of emails from the law school list serves telling me about every law school event known to man. There are many, many, many, many, many student organizations at the school. I'm trying to keep track of which ones I want to be a part of.

Back to the beginning: the administration absolutely inundated us with advice at orientation. Don't use study aides, do use study aides, spend three hours on homework outside of class for every hour you spend inside of class, start outlining early, don't outline right away, make sure to get involved in student organizations but also get your work done - by the end I was ready to just start.

The first week was completely overwhelming. I had never been so happy for a weekend. But at the same time I began to feel as though I could handle this.

My classes are as follows: (All first year students take the same classes with the same 60 people for the whole year)

Civil Procedure
Criminal Law
Legal Research and Writing
Contracts
Torts

With the exception of Legal Research and Writing, the grades for those classes are determined by one exam at the end of the semester. I'm looking forward to Christmas but first I have to survive the exams. But those are months away.

I am doing one volunteer thing for sure - I am working at our county's legal aid as a volunteer intake interviewer. I hear people's legal issues, present them to the attorney in a concise way, and then convey the information back to the people. I really enjoy it. It feels as though I'm actually giving back to the community. I am also going to be involved in the Public Interest Public Service, Women's Legal Forum and Streetlaw clubs. We'll see how all of those go.

I study every spare moment. Constantly. Which is why the weekends are such a blessing - I can at least take a couple of hours to relax before delving back into it.

The Remains of the Pad

2007-08-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

I seem to be suffering from some sort of paralysis whenever I take the time to face the idea of packing the rest of my dwindling remainings, because doing so acknowledges that it is real, that I'm moving, that I'm about to start what promises to be the most grueling year of my life in another state surrounded by people I don't know and perhaps won't be able to identify with. Packing makes it real - it means I'm giving up the Pad and moving to the Cottage. I can't seem to get the stone of dread and doubt and apprehension out of the pit of my stomach long enough to accomplish the things that need getting done...and my time grows ever shorter...

The University of Oregon

2007-08-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

I must admit I'm a bit apprehensive about the switch from the University of Washington to the University of Oregon style of bureaucracy. There's something in the air here - the service is slower at restaurants, the drivers all meander down the one way streets of Eugene five miles under the speed limit. "Animal House" was filmed here, after all. And I'm living in a coven of hippies.

It began when the flood of packets from the law school began arriving at my Seattle apartment, each with duplicative and often times conflicting information. Then came the correction emails - two or three a day - to let me know what information from the packets I could actually rely on. My suspicions of the complete lack of campus organization culminated today after a visit to the University of Oregon Office of Public Safety - I wanted to buy my parking pass. They were unable to sell a pass to me now - not because I was too early, but because they don't have the passes in yet. They hope to have them in by the time school starts. Hope to.

But, I will give U of O this - I got more smiles walking from one end of this campus to the other than I must have in all three years at UW. There's something to be said for friendliness even in the midst of rampant lack of attention to detail.